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“When you get over 95, every day is your day.”

 

Bob Hope

“They’ll always be an England, even if it’s in Hollywood.”

 

Bob Hope

“In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.”

 

Bob Hope

“Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.”

 

Bob Hope

“The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.”

 

Bob Hope

“I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.”

 

Bob Hope

“There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.”

 

Bob Hope

“Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.”

 

Bob Hope

“He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England”

 

Bob Hope

“We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.”

 

Bob Hope

“On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.”

 

Bob Hope

“I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.”

 

Bob Hope

“Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!”

 

Bob Hope

“It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.”

 

Bob Hope

“My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.”

 

Bob Hope

“For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green”

 

Bob Hope

“US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!”

 

Bob Hope

“Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn’t be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.”

 

Bob Hope

“It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.”

 

Bob Hope

“I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.”

 

Bob Hope