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“I was brought up Catholic and we show my mom, my mother, my sister and then I take pains to explain on camera, that there were years after that where I wasn’t really religious. I certainly wasn’t a Catholic anymore, but I still lived with some mythical man in my head. I didn’t really put a name to a face, but I just knew that if I was in trouble or scared I would go, ‘Oh God, please help me get out of this one.'”

 

Bill Maher

“Americans are finally coming to a point where they’re accepting of religious criticism, is because George Bush is the first president who really put religion so front-and-center. He’s the most Christ-y president we’ve ever had – and he is, not uncoincidentally, the biggest disaster we’ve ever had. I think even people who are religious don’t like it shoved down their throat. I think people kind of get it on a certain level, that this is an antiscience administration, and we’re living in a time where we can’t afford to be antiscience – for environmental reasons, for educational reasons.”

 

Bill Maher

“The politicians are no prizes, but the people are even worse, they’re so ill-informed. I never understand the pushback when I say people are stupid.”

 

Bill Maher

“I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and the Republicans and stand up for the 70 percent of Americans who are not insane and stand up for the people who actually voted for you. That hit a real nerve.”

 

Bill Maher

“People, especially the liberals, just live in this world where if anything is said that offends anybody even a little bit, not only does that person have to apologize; sometimes they have to go away forever. Go away, bad person. My analysis of this is that most of us don’t do anything decent in our life. I’m not saying we’re evil. I’m just saying we don’t make a contribution, so the way they [liberals] think they’re making a contribution is to point at the bad people [which] is somehow even more pathetic.”

 

Bill Maher

“Americans are used to being pandered to and spoon-fed everything. In a culture that needs caffeine-free cherry chocolate diet Coke, you’d best deliver information with entertainment.”

 

Bill Maher

“Laughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it’s probably because there was some truth in it.”

 

Bill Maher

“As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don’t want Sarah Palin to be president.”

 

Bill Maher

“Everybody has a magazine and a channel. There are 500 channels and 500 magazines, and we wonder why we’re not united as a country.”

 

Bill Maher

“If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it’s kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.”

 

Bill Maher

“People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it’s hard at the beginning.”

 

Bill Maher

“Sometimes I’m dragging my ass out to the airport at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and I’m wondering why I’m doing this, but once I walk on stage I know why…because I’m addicted.”

 

Bill Maher

“People are either good or they’re not. Religion doesn’t make anybody good, I don’t think.”

 

Bill Maher

“Whatever good religion has done, it has come at a terrible price.”

 

Bill Maher

“When those myths were created, when the Bible was written, man didn’t know what an atom or a germ was, or where the sun went at night, or why the women got pregnant. [Laughs.] They needed stories to answer the questions.”

 

Bill Maher

“The worst years of my life were the first two years I was doing standup. You’re learning how to do, and you’re going on stage in front of two drunks and people aren’t laughing and you’re broke. That’s a really hard time in your life.”

 

Bill Maher

“Barack Obama is the President of the United States, a politician in America, a very religious country, so I understand why he has to pretend to be a religious person himself. I say pretend because, I can only hope that someone as bright as he, wouldn’t really believe that people can walk on water and ride a winged horse and rain frogs and you can change water into wine.”

 

Bill Maher

“I don’t think George Bush is a good president by any imagination, but when he said, ‘If you’re talking to Al-Quaeda, we want to know what it’s about,’ it just proves one thing: If you’re president long enough, you will one day say something that is true.”

 

Bill Maher

“I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?”

 

Bill Maher

“Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I remember, he was interview in Rolling Stone and he said he thought we should have legalized marijuana. And I thought, gosh, if only you were in some sort of position to affect change in the last eight years where you could have done something about that.”

 

Bill Maher